need a great bio? read this
I’m sure some of you have tried to craft a bio.
I want to let you know that a bio is not a resume. A bio is a story. People don’t buy products and services; they buy feelings and they buy transformation. People are buying results. I don’t care if your skin cream is in a copper glaze; I want to know how to change my skin and make me more attractive.
That’s the meaning you want to capitalize on. For example, if you are selling a product and you know it actually delivers results and transformation because people say it is, that’s important.
People sometimes come to me and say, "how can you be so confident to just go on live?" and put yourself on camera and you know, it’s kind of a complicated question because I don’t know any other way to be.
Ever since I was a little girl, I would just go to the supermarket with my parents and sing at the top of my lungs. I’m actually quite an introverted person and I’m not just saying that, but I really have stopped caring about people think for the most part. That's easier said than done, but that’s something I want to start off with saying because I was kind of always like that.
However, it wasn’t until I lived through some really painful experiences in my life and some really challenging and trying times that I started to finally understand what it means to be vulnerable. You typically don’t see in a bio: people talking about abusive relationships they were in or childhood family homes that were really stressful. You typically don’t see that in a bio. People, especially when they are trying to get to the top, they would think: "if anybody found out about that, that would be terrible. I would never want anybody to know about that side of my life and I just want to be no drama."
I want to tell you that the more you actively push that stuff away and try to pretend like it didn’t happen or is not happening, the more you are actually guarding yourself and stonewalling people from the opportunity of getting to know your struggles. I want to tell you that struggle is some of your greatest signatures, in the sense that your struggles have made you who you are. If someone looks at you and says, "well, that person is strong," there’s a reason! There’s a reason that you are strong and I guarantee that if you share that reason why you are strong or why you are resilient, you will feel a sense of empowerment like maybe you’ve never known.
I put in my bio, for example, that I overcame burnout. I even tell people that I was in an abusive relationship, I was in a soul sucking career and what I had to do was get my ass out of there to not only survive, but eventually I did learn how to thrive because I’ve been through that difficult nasty part of life. I talk about it a little bit on podcast interviews and doing some public speaking things here and there and some Livestreams as well.
My struggles are some of the things that people want to work with me on before they tell me, "holy crap, I want to be confident about my story like you are teaching - tell me how to do it!" and that’s something I really love working with people on because we do live in a world where cancel culture is a real thing.
People are afraid of putting themselves out there in a world where people are ready to cancel and angry mobs online want to take you down for appearing different or appearing in a way that doesn’t satisfy what they want to see online. I totally get it. I totally get that. In fact, I was even a target of the cancel culture a few months ago and I didn’t let it stop me.
Sure, I took a day and I took some time to be emotional, however I said: "they want me to stop putting myself out there but I have people that want me to continue every week. I have my commitment to myself and my divine purpose, so I’m not gonna quit, I’m not gonna stop creating."
When you’re a kid or when you’re an adult, it’ll happen. Bullies unfortunately exist and at every stage of life, a trick of being an entrepreneur or just being a healer is knowing when it’s bullying or when you're bullying yourself. What I learned in that experience was that sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. It's that age-old adage. If I am burning myself out and I’m bullying myself, people are going to catch on to that and it will be easier for the words of others to stick to me. If I heal my relationship with myself, get to know myself, love myself, accept myself, gentle with myself and speak to myself with kind, compassionate, nonjudgmental words, I will let no bullies interfere with me. Nobody will mess with me, that’s for sure.
My TEDx talk was postponed for a year and I researched what it took to give a great talk and all of the research will tell you that if you don’t like vulnerability, you might not wanna hear this. All of the research will tell you that best talks go really deep - they get vulnerable. They get messy and I don’t know if you’ve seen Brené Brown‘s or Tim Ferriss' talks or just some of the best talks in the world, but people deliver those jaw-dropping moments like nobody’s business. They really do.
I realized that what I had to do to give the best talk was to give three stories and then give at least one jaw-dropping moment, so I thought: I had to talk about my struggles. My most painful memories in life on the global stage that could potentially be watched by millions of people on the Internet and I had to talk about my struggles. That’s terrifying. I don’t care how confident you are about your pain - everyone’s gone through it and here’s where it gets easy though: the more you talk about it, the more you share it, the more you reprogram your cells and you upgrade sharing that vulnerable side of yourself. The more you can overcome it.
It's really important to own your story because once you own your own story, whatever that is and however you do that, you can empower yourself and feel less like a victim. This life is not happening to you - it’s happening for you. I would recommend that you say that whenever you’re having a painful moment. For example, I was biking up a hill yesterday and I was huffing and puffing.
I remember thinking to myself: "screw this" and I just had a moment where I responded with: "wait, this is happening for me. This is happening for me. This is happening for me, not to me."
It’s really important, that even in those moments, you train your brain and train your entire cellular system to say "this is happening for me, not to me. I am not a victim of life. I am empowering myself."
You want to basically talk about your pain without attracting more of it essentially. The way you do that is in empowering your language around it. A book or an interview is a perfect place for you to plan how you’re going to talk about pain in your life. I highly recommend it if you create an opportunity to showcase your story and your pain and you want to be empowering your language. Don’t you want to be describing your story with confidence?
For example, I’m going through a breakup right now. I know people who are probably also going to breakup. I know people who are going through loss right now and going through major separation or grief right now in the world, for sure it’s happening, and wouldn’t you like to tell that story like it made you stronger? Things are not happening to you; they're happening for you and when you get in that state, you can confidently interact with people instead of isolating yourself and you can stop blaming other people for situations that you create.
A mistake that I hear is when people say "you made me feel this way. You made me sad. You made me a terrible person. You made me do this." I don’t know what your relationship is to the idea of narcissism but that is actually a very narcissistic comment to say: "you made me feel this way" or even saying: "you make me feel sad" is just as manipulative as saying, "you make me so happy" or "you complete me" or "you’re my other half." I want you to think about that for a second. I want you to settle into the idea that you are complete on your own, you are complete as you are standing alone and standing independently.
These are just ways you can create your language in your story to empower yourself from the painful struggles.
Live your life as though everything in the universe is interacting to help you achieve what you want to achieve.
Create what you want and achieve those goals to get what you want in life. One way of doing that that I would highly recommend is looking into the hero's journey process and it’s on my YouTube channel. The hero's journey process is an amazing resource if you want to think about your story and share your pain which has made you a strong person. It will make your bio stronger and it will make you look like a transformed person, which will make people that read your bio transform with you. You will probably see people come out of the woodwork that want to work with you.